My Journey to Illumination
I used to feel like a storm. Something people loved to marvel at from afar, but up close I was too much noise, too much force, too much. I struggled between two poles of light and dark. I could flash and rage, and I could be still. I could be loud and charismatic, and I could be quiet and cool.
I felt things deeply. All things. There was no holding back. And I just couldn't understand why no one else seemed to feel it. The buzz. The life. The tragedy.
Looking Into Someone's Eyes, I Could Feel Their Heart Breaking. I Knew The Lump In Their Chest, And The Twist In Their Gut Better Than They Did.
Joy could be exhausting. But it was the pain that stayed with me. Lingering. Residual. Gathering in my dark corners and weighing me down.
And then there was my own pain. Swallowing me whole.
I spent my life searching for connection, for love, for understanding. And what I came to find was that everyone else was looking for that too, but no body knew what the hell it looked like.
What Is This Illusive "Connection?" This Complicated "Love?" How Do We Know When We Have Been Understood?
Maybe it's an illusion. Maybe it is a choice. Or maybe, it just wasn't meant for me.
Don't get me wrong. I had relationships. I had friends. I learned from people, and got hurt by people, and had fun with people. I made some people mad, and I broke some hearts. I KNEW people. I connected with and loved and understood people. But none of them really knew me. Profoundly. Inexplicably. Completely.
And you can call me crazy for even thinking that's a thing. But it is. I know it is because I've felt it. I know what a kindred spirit feels like when it comes in contact with mine. It's just so rare, that we forget, or we convince ourselves it was never there. I know you've felt it too.
SO I KEPT SEARCHING.
I got pregnant and married, and kept searching. I was lonely and neglected, and kept searching. I was depressed and anxious, and kept searching. I was poor and panicked, and I kept fucking searching.
And then, one day, I met a girl who introduced me to the coaching industry. It was not love at first sight. But it was something I just couldn't seem to look away from.
So I started one business (copy writing), which lead to another business (design), which lead to a client who introduced me to spirituality. Which lead to the discovery of being a highly sensitive person, and a whole new world of like-minded introverts! And a whole host of people who just seemed to GET IT. I felt profoundly, inexplicably, and completely understood. I felt like I was coming home.
I learned to embrace and cherish my sensitivity. I learned to understand and accept my differences. I learned to nourish and heal my self. I learned to take pride in my gift of feeling deeply, of seeing a world that most people cannot see. But most of all, I learned to embrace my role as a guide. In service of others who also feel deeply, who feel like a storm. I am here to shake things up, to shine a light into the dark, and to reignite that fire in your soul that lights you up, that makes you happy to be alive. The one that propels us forward into the unknown with determination and big ideas. The one that makes the world a better place just for being in it. That fire. I was born to light it, and then show you how to fan the flame.
Do You Feel It?
DO YOU WANT TO?
I used to feel like a storm cloud; now I feel like a light. Sometimes I'm quiet and dark and still. But other times, more often, I feel alive! Bright and sharp and full of momentum. But even when I am off, I am no less a light, and I am always ready to shine.